Merry Christmas and stuff...

Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate it!!! Sorry, I don't, but if you do I hope you have an awesome day and Santa brought you all the presents that you wanted :D

As for me, I'm going to spend the day revising genetics and then watch Doctor Who!! Totally psyched for it but also sad as the loss of David Tennant may be too hard to bear!

Update on the snow: It's still here!!!!!! The white Christmas everyone dreamt off has finally happened. Now we can all accept the consequences of global warming a little easier - it's like giving up smoking (or so I'm told - I don't smoke), you need that last cigarrette.

Well, that was a wee bit odd...

And that's it. I seem to have lost my writing drive of late. Kind of odd considering I really, really want to do some creative writing but every time I pick up the pen rubbish comes out :( Maybe after the ever looming exams...

Five Hundred Twenty Five Thousand Six Hundred...

minutes, how do you measure/measure a year??

I love Rent. It's an amazing film!!!! Not entirely sure why I'm plugging now, especially since I saw it over a week ago but I couldn't put the title to this blog on my Facebook page immeadiately after I saw it because my laptop died :( But now it's alive again!!!!! Although it is scheduled for programmed death and revival in 2 weeks time. Pray for it, please.

Sorry. I'm in a very odd mood today. It's snowing!!! YEyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I love snow. Honestly, at the first mention of snow or the first snowflake on the weather map and I revert back to my six year old self! Snow is amazing. Snowballs are amazing. Snow men, snow flakes, snow angels.... Unfortunately instead of being out in the snow I'm stuck inside looking at it. Stupid exams, eugh! And, unlike last year, it's not a case of "oh well, it doesn't matter if I don't learn it properly because come the end of June I'll never have to know about it ever again". Now it's a case of "if I don't learn this properly someone may die!". It's no wonder medics have high depression/suicide rates. We have the lives of the entire population of Britain resting on our small shoulders!!!!!!!!!!

Skipping back again to last Friday - I had prosection!!!! And...I didn't like it. Not as much as I thought I would. Normally I'm fine with the whole dead body thing but for some reason (and I blame the fact I was still recovering from the flu) I really didn't enjoy it. For starters they still looked like real bodies to me. And it stank, a lot. But the main reason that they were mutilated. The first specimen was the legs of a woman, everything from the waist down. Where was the rest of her??? Why wasn't her head near her body???? And then there was the pelvis of a man that had been cut so there was one ball on one side and the other ball on the other. And the poor old lady who will forever be staring down at the floor (if she could see through her eyelids) with her breasts dangling down so we could see the spinal cord. T.S. Eliot's "I Tiresias, old man with wrinkled dugs; Perceived the scene, and foretold the rest" for some reason sprang to mind...

On a brighter note - David Tennant's reign of Doctor Who-ness may be coming to an end (sob, sob, why oh why??????) but his version of Hamlet is on on Boxing Day!!!!!! All 3 hours of it!!!!!! Suffice to say Mum and Brother are making plans not to be in the house that day lol.

And now I'm going to go. The plan for today is to finish writing up all my genetic and embryology notes and then finish the notes on all the different types of glands. Steep, I know. But Cranford will be my reward at the end xxx

P.S. Despondent is going on Twitter at some point in the next week in an attempt to blog more and get more readers!! Follow me tweet tweet :D

The real reason why...

You think that you can't be disappointed by anyone else you love in life because you've stopped anyone who might potentially hurt you from getting too close due to unfortunate past experiances. And then, completly out of the blue, it happens and you're left feeling the way you felt when your parents got divorced and again when your dad told you he had got married a year ago without telling you.

I know it's cliched to say that it feels like your heart has been ripped out, or there's a deep abyss inside of you but they're cliches for a reason - they have a certain degree of accuracy. It does feel like that, like there's a piece missing from inside you.

Do you  want to know what the worst bit is? It's the fact that this person had my complete and utter trust. Because, lets face it, when my parents got divorced I already had adverse feelings towards my father to the extent that I questioned whether or not the love I felt was genuine or there out of convention. And by the time he pulled the marriage lark there was a part of me that wasn't surprised at all because dissapointing me was kind of his thing. But I never expected abandonment from a person who I considered more family than my dad, who was such a huge part of my life and who cared for me more than most people. Because I love them, and it isn't gushy guey love or convention love but the love I hold for my mum and my brother (it isn't a boy, just to make that clear- guys don't look at me).

I'm beginning to think its me. That there's something about me that drives people away.

This person told my mum that she's worried about me because of something I wrote, told her countless times and then buggers off despite being concerned about me and my health. This person told my mum, and by association, me that we shouldn't lose our faith in people and then buggers off anyway - hypocritical bull. I saw this person at every stage to come in my life - graduation, marriage, when I had children. They were going to continue being in my life the way they had been a constant presence in my life to date. And then they throw you overboard and wave goodbye as you start to drown.

I know I've written some post before where I claim to be depressed and I know the name "Sometimes Despondent" has been seen funnily before. But then something happens and you remember why you called yourself despondent in the first place. And you remember that you're not meant to be happy, that a happy day just doesn't exist. This isn't me being melodramatic. This is me being perfectly serious. You forget and then pay the price for forgetting

General Lack of...well, everything!

Hey!

I feel bad because I haven't been updated as often as I used to. I know I've started the last 2/3 blogs with this but you better get used to it as I'm generally full of self pity at the moment.

The novelty of medical school has finally worn off. At first getting up at 7am wasn't such a bad thing. On one hand it's later than I used to get up (6.20 when I went to high school - 6.20!!!!), and on another - it was medical school man!! University! Living by yourself!!!!! Who cared that you had only got 7 hours sleep and can only last on 8! It didn't matter because you, I, was living the life!

Now it's more of an "Nooooooo! I don't want to wake up. What's the point!? *Insert appropriate curse words here* NOOOO!"

The fact that I'm not feeling great isn't helping. The doctor is completely miffed. Apparantly (how do you get spell checks on Macs??) it's a mystery why I'm so ill (been feeling sick after eating, developed into feeling sick in the morning, low iron, pain, funny feeling inside when I press under my lower rib on the LHS - feels like something is scraping against something else). Anyone got any ideas?? No, me neither. The fact that it's been like this for 5 weeks now is also kind of worrying. This is what you get when you bloat about not getting Fresher's Flu.

So we had our first ICA (In Course Assessment - I swear us medics could have entire conversations composed entirely of acronyms!) last week and got the results on Monday. Happy to say that I passed!!! (Pass mark was 50%). It wasn't as good as it could have been but I console myself in viewing it as a mock and reminding myself that we have moved from the relative comfort of A-Level into the horrid domains of University - it's going to be harder! We were told that one of the hardest things to deal with when you move to medical school is the realisation that  you're not number one anymore. It doesn't mean that  you're not smart, but you're surrounded by 400 people who all got AAB or better at A-level! And it is hard to deal with. But I will make it onto the Honor's List, just you wait.

Just had the funniest feeling that I left my USB Stick in one of the computers this morning...umm...stupid bad memory.

See you later! And don't forget - there's a fellow first year here who is in exactly the same position as you! (A comment like that would work so much better if more people read this - time to advertise again I think.. I wonder if there's a FB group for Harvard Medical School...)

Yuck, yuck, eugh, eugh, what's that smell...

I honestly believed that I had smelt the worse smell ever. It was year 11 and I was doing work experiance at a hospital near me. I was shadowing the staff on the surgical ward and there was this patient - woman, old, kept complaining - who had at least one leg amputated (maybe two) and as a consequence didn't move resulting in huge, stinking bed sores that made me gag.

Then I went to today's lecture. Some stupid idiots - and I know exactly who it was because all they do is mess around and talk during lectures - set off two stinkbombs. Never again. Never again.

Apologises for before...

Sorry about the last post guys. But, like I said, I was feeling really guilty so I thought I could rattle a post off in 5 mins and then move on. Anyway, that was the plan. Now, however, I'm sitting in my flat at half 10 on a Thursday morning (I mean, how often does that happen?) wishing that I could just procrastinate the day away as opposed to revising for the HUGE test (HUGE, I tell you, HUGE - a significant portion of our module mark; surely it's not fair/legal for them to be giving us such monumental exams five/six weeks into term...) that I should be revising for. But the motivation has escaped me, partly because I'm being distracted by facebook and the sound of sirens - students, honestly! - and partly due to the awful dinner I had yesterday. I'm on catered and, as a sem-vegi, have been really impressed with what the options have been, until  yesterday. It was either this disgusting mediterranean stew that I couldn't eat last time I had it, or feta cheese tart. Sounds nice, hmmm? No. Dry, horrible and I really wasn't in the mood for boiled potatoes and cauliflower. Maybe it's my asian spice head rearing, begging for roti and curry. So I had salad instead. Then came upstairs and literally stuffed myself with junk. Sigh. Unfortunately the depression I was feeling yesterday has seeped over into today - never mind, FIREWORKS tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love fireworks. They make me feel happy. Is that sad? Either way, can't wait for tonight, just hope it doesn't rain! Although I have watched fireworks in the rain before, I think. Or maybe that was just a dream.

Anyway, toodles. I will work. I will work. Won't I?

Busy Busy Busy

This is going to be really quick, purely because I'm mega busy but am also feeling really very annoyed at myself for having abadoned you all for so long and failing to write. I know I said weekly updates but they're pretty hard to do when your timetable changes every week!

Yey, I made people paranoid. It wasn't intentional, well maybe a little bit.

So, this week...this week is SSC week which all of us get thanks to the GMC. Normally this would be a cause for rejoicing but the med school decided to dictate exactly what we are doing this week which has, naturally, made some people, me included, very annoyed.

And now I'm looking back and forth between the clock and the pile of revision notes I have to be written up before 4. This is partly my own fault - no one forced me to by the ticket to the musical tonight. Sorry, not telling you which one - it's only too easy to google and find out where they're performing at the moment. Suffice to say I fear for my innocence!!!!!

Hey everyone and sorry...

Hiya!

Firstly, an apology. I haven't done a post in a very long time. That was very, very bad of me. I'm going to use the enormous volume of work as an excuse, please forgive. From now on, weekly posts! Let's see how long that lasts!!!! But a big thanks to R who encouraged me to turn off FB and come onto this as he wanted to see how I was getting on. Thank you!!!!!

So, I've been here now for 3 weeks and 1 day! Wow. In some ways it's awesome - I'm having a great time, I've made loads of new friends, I'm getting involved with all this stuff (which is, in itself, a stupid stupid thing because I'm slipping back into the mistakes of old!). But it doesn't feel like I live here because I've already seen mum twice (for weddings. At first I was really annoyed at having to go back home so soon but I'm so glad I did because I'm missing my family so much!) so in a way it feels like I'm on a school trip. But I'm not going home now unitl Halloween weekend, so hopefully the sense of independance will kick in a little more. Although, I have to admit, the independanceness is rising and growing - I now have a whole new respect for mum and her ability to juggle work, shopping, cooking, washing (£2.20 a load - daylight robbery!!!!)...

Sorry, this is a little disjointed. It's just that so much has happened and I don't know where I should start or what I should say. Also I have to further monitor what I write in order to keep my identity secret because I have met one of you. ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm not going to tell you who, or where, only that we have spoken. Part of me hopes this causes you anguish - don't know why I think that, I'm laughing as I write this because a desire to impart anguish on anyone is not really a normal pass time for me! Anguish is the wrong word, more it makes your brains strain a little as you try to deduce who I could be.

The work load is immense, as I'm sure you'll all agree. And I bet that's true for whatever medical school you're at! But I'm enjoying it, which is find odd because I'm not missing English Lit as much as I thought you would. However I do have a friend who's studying Eng Lit and is reading loooadds which causes me brief moments of a type of jealously that isn't as strong as the jealousy I felt before. I take this as a good sign! My desire to read more saw me getting a train to the nearest library that stocks fiction books, then lugging six huge tomes back with me in the heat that has, for some unexplicable reason, infested our land! No matter, they'll last me till November which is creeping slowly forward coupled with the black hole that is our first real test!

I think I'm going to leave it there. I'm so out of practise at blogging that what I've written sounds really convuluted. My head hurts just reading is (but that may be because I'm not getting enough sleep hehe) so I wonder how your head is going to feel once you've read this!!!! Speak to you next week, although probably not Tuesday as Tuesday is a bad day next week. Don't worry, give it a month or two and you'll be getting regular updates, same day, same time every week. Or not!

Fun, Fun, Fun!

I've just had a really good night and feel elated which is a strange emotion for me but one that I really am enjoying! And, as you all constantly reassured me I would, I have found many like minded people! I met the best friend of a flat mate, and best friend's flat mates, all of whom invited us to a flat party at their halls before they went clubbing and stuff. It was really good and not only did I make new medic/non medic friends but I've discovered a whole flat of people like me! * silently cheers*

After the party, which admittingly we left at 9, we went to a flat of friends we made the other day after I eavsdropped on their conversation and pounced after hearing the word "medicine"! We watched 50 First Dates, had a great laugh together and the elatedness grew! Yeah!

And it gets better. Theatre tomorrow, cinema on wednesday and I'm sure someone said something about something on Friday!

But now I will leave you as I'm kinda tired and would like to do some i-playerness before bed. Let me know how you lot are all getting on! :D

So, here I am...

So, here I am at last. I was going to do this as a kind of before and after segment but it got to half 8 last night and I decided to go spend some time with my fmaily instead.

So, I'm sitting in my bed, in my room, in my flat, at uni. My feet hurt from all the walking (the map showing the distance from my halls to the main campus is amazingly deceiving!) and I have bruises from all the lifting. Am I happy? Not sure. I'm homesick, definately. It just seems so quiet, especially cause half the rooms in my flat are yet to be occupied (sure they'll turn up eventually). I want my mum, and I don't care how much you may laugh about it, but I'm so amazing close to her that I want nothing more now than to be with her, or at least have only a wall separate me from her, like it would be at home.

And, even though I am a student, I'm tired, and so, after watching an episode of my favourtie program on youtube, I'm going to go to bed. Sorry you don't get any more, but I'll try again tomorrow, when I'm less teary, hopefully.

Night Night.

Bad, bad day...thankfully today is looking up...

Yesterday was such a bad day (as the title suggests). And not just because of the driving test fiasco. Let me start where the previous post left off, in the library.

So after I sat and read my book for about an hour (Angel's Game (Carlos Ruiz Zafon) by the way - excellent book but read The Shadow of the Wind first) I went to the bus station and convinced myself not to get the earlier bus as, up to yesterday and ignoring the time I walked in the dark for fourty mins in new shoes only to get the wrong bus, my experience of public transport has been amazing. I love it. Trains come on time, buses are getting better and everything, normally, is great (except for the prices). Instead I went to a cafe and bought a hot choc (not fasting due to the fact the dentist was going to stick his hands down my throat) for the sole purpose of using their very digusting toilets to brush my teeth.

The bus came five mins late. It's ok, I thought, cause it's going to get me to the train station fifteen mins before the train leaves anyway. A 35 mins journey then took more in the region of 50 because we went up and down every estate, a load of school kids got on, then off plus a car was parked in every narrow road and the driver was a good citizen and let the other lane of traffic through first. Damn good manners!

I got there five mins after the train had gone. The next train was at the time of my appoitment. Mum had to cancel the appoitment and I literally broke down in the middle of the station. Thankfully there was only me and this women who I made a point of not looking at. It wasn't the fact that I'd missed a trip to the dentist it was the fact that everything, EVERYTHING had gone wrong from the moment I woke up the day before, I had missed a fast for no reason and had spent money that didn't really need spending. Actually the money wasn't such a big isssue, it as more the fact that I felt nothing else could go wrong. And nothing else did cause after many tearful phonecalls and two teary bus journeys back home Mum rebooked the appoitment for wednesday which means I can meet up with my friends (they already had plans that I passed on cause of the fasting) and laugh, eat junk food and have a great time.

But today is looking so much better. Someone on facebook said I was funny (great for me as people usually laugh at, not with me) and my name appeared in print in the Amnesty International magazine. Page 9 of "New Release". I know that kind of defys the whole anonymous thing but I don't care! I'm so happy! In print! Finally! And I know it wasn't in a byline/by-this-author sense but baby steps people. Baby steps!

Here I am...

I'm sitting in the library writing this cause I've got 2 hours to kill before I get a bus then a train to the dentist. sigh.

So I failed the driving test. It was this morning, bright and early. The lesson before hand went excellently but then i messed up the parallel park. Even if I hadn't he would have failed me for undue hesitation. Apparantly there were 4 opportunities for me to pull out onto this really busy road. There wasnt't, otherwise I would have gone! £100 down the drain. I've been driving for a year now, cause my instructor is literally leaching me. I'm going to try and pass whilst at uni, but if my friend (a year older and hasn't started learning yet) passes before me I'm going to kill someone. Oh well, and it means a lot that I said that because I was crying so much earlier. Bad day. You know when you wake up and you just know it isn't going to go well? It was one of those days! I woke up at 3 and only got to sleep again about 6; my alarm didn't go off so I woke up half and hour late and was rushing around like crazy and, to top it off, I dropped Brother's history book on my foot whilst trying to get into the washing basket. Oh well. Oh well.

I've just realised that this time next week I'll be in the car on the way to the future. Scary thought. The pile of my going-away-stuff keeps getting bigger and bigger but the confidence bubble in my head is getting smaller and smaller. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

I've still got an hour and a half to kill before I get the bus, and only thirty minutes left on this computer and all I want to do is go home, plop myself infront of youtube and eat junk food (not fasting today cause the dentist is going to stick his hands down my throat later). Sigh.

Apologises for the sighing. The doctor said it might be PMS. Brother just thinks I'm an arrogant jerk.

Today just keeps getting worse and worse...

I want to apologise in advance - I'm in a bad mood. But I need to rant.

I went for my third Hep B jab today. That in itself is not a good thing because my NHS Trust is making me pay through the nose for it whereas my medic friends who live in the town where we went to school are getting it free, or free-er than me. £29 per jab and an extra £29 for the blood test. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm a student who has a bad relationship with student finance. I have no money!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus it was hot today. I mean heatwave hot. And little-miss-yes-I-am-fasting-me had to walk to the hospital from the bus station, a walk I wouldn't normally mind but NORMALLY I have bottle of water and am allowed to drink it!

Breathe, breathe.

Extra sources of annoyance: I'm going to the dentist on Monday but the stupid bus company is having a stupid strike so instead of getting just one bus I have to get a bus, then a train, then walk. And Monday's already a busy day. I have a doctors appoitment (I sound like an invalid) and a huge test in the morning (I don't want to say the name in case I jinx it but it's the kind of test everyone over the age of 17 takes) which I had a really bad dream about last night! Ah yes, last night. Last night was comprised of about five/six hours interupted sleep and nightmares concerning my uncle shouting at my whilst I backed away.

Breathe!

On a slightly better note it was our prize-giving yesterday and I got a prize for English! Which normally would make me really, really happy (I love English, maybe more than I love medicine) but in my current climate remembering yesterday is making me revert back to my old internal battle - am I really doing the right course, I should have applied for English, no Medicine, no English...why can't they do joint honours in Medicine?

Breathe!

I'm going to go now before I start swearing, or worse. Bet you understand the blog's title now, eh. Sorry if I offended anyone or came across brusque and mean. Normally I'm a really nice guy. Honest.

Quick Q: Where can I get a personal attack alarm from? Someone said the police?

And the countdown has begun...

I meant to update this yesterday so I could say "I go away to uni in a fortnight!" but I forgot. So, instead - "I GO TO UNI IN 13 DAYS!!!"

I've almost got everything I need now. There's just a few little bits and bobs, like a pizza slicer (for those all important takeaway nights!) and scales (for when I actually need to cook for myself). Plus I got one of those David Beckham Sharpie pens so I can label everything up with my name. In some ways it's like going to primary school again - you know, where your mum would sew those little name tags into every item of clothing including your socks! Now if Student Finance would get their act together then everything would be alright. But, as per usual, you can't get through to them (one of my friends was on for six hours with no luck), and whatever they tell you doesn't seem to be true.

I know this is anonymous but I'm going to tell you a few things about myself so the blogs actually have some substance to them. I don't drink and so Fresher's Week doesn't seem the time-of-my-life thing that it is to everyone else. And so my main worry at the moment is how to avoid the drinking fest events but still be able to make friends at the same time. Any suggestions?

Apart from that I'm so excited. I've registered and read every morsel of info the uni has sent to me. Although I did get a couple of books of my reading list from my local library and they're kinda boring. And huge! I just hope the lectures make everything a whole lot more interesting!

IKEA...

I've just spent 2 hours at IKEA looking for stuff for my room, you know, plates, pots, pans. In the end everything was way more expensive than ASDA so we came away with a free pot pouri bowl, a frying pan, and four bags of amber coloured pebbles and two scented candles. The candles and the pebbles were 10p each. And that sums up my family's outlook on money perfectly - shop around so you pay as little as possible and, if it's 10p, what are you waiting for! Actually, you can't really blame us considering Mum's a single parent and Brother and I remained at our high school through bursaries and scholarships.

It's so weird though, buying things for my room, in my flat (did I tell you - I have room!!!!!). There are so many little bits and bobs that we still need, like graters and chopping boards. And I know that I'm coming back home during the holidays but it feels like I'm setting up house, and really, really flying the nest. I get all giddy, and giggly and walk round with a huge smile on my face whilst trying to carry three large plastic boxes that I'm using for underbed storage. But at the same time I'm looking at Mum and seeing past the smile on her face to that part of her that really, really doesn't want me to go. Her eldest child leaving the home we've lived in since I was born, leaving her. I know she'll still have Brother but we're best friends and have spent almost every day of the last 18 years together.

Now I'm getting tearfull.

But back to IKEA. Dreadfull store. I felt like I was being herded like cattle through these huge, white Denmarkish (it is from Denmark, isn't it?) rooms on the way to the slaughterhouse. And it was soooo busy I kept losing my Gran in the crowds.

On the other hand, if I had £100 quid to spend and none of the family money policy hanging over my head I would have gone wild!

And you know what I've just realised...

I was watching stuff on youtube (I do that a lot) and you know what I've just realised - this is never going to take off. No one is ever going to read this. This will not be another Julie and Julia Project thingy-m-jig. Because that doesn't happen to me. Nothing good ever happens.

It's unbelievable how I managed to go from all yeah! about the Welcome pack to all eugh! about this is less than half an hour. Now I suppose you understand the title. Despondent. Despondency. I seriously need to go to the doctors before this becomes an actual issue.

And even though I really want to publish this I'm thinking that's kinda a bad idea - hey look, let's check out that blog *reads* dear lord the blogger's depressed! I do not want to see/read what happens to her tomorrow. See ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now I've just realised that I shouldn't be bothered if no one reads this or not. But it's a blog, it's a global diary. If I wanted no one to read it I would have just writted a diary! Dear Lord, I really need to get a life

Welcome to MedSchool!

I got my welcome pack through the post today!!!!!! And it's done nothing but make me even more nervous!! Although the excitment meter is starting to rise!

I have a timetable, albeit one for just the first week! And stuff about the modules I'll be taking, and a reading list, and all this stuff about the MedSoc and Fresher's Fairs and...stuff, stuff, stuff! *hyperventilates* I mean, I'm actually going. I'm leaving. In... 25 days I'm starting uni! Woooooop!!!!!!

Too many exclamation marks, me thinks.

I Hate Toasters...

We decided to have waffles for lunch. Bad idea. My brother had his in the toaster. Now, that in itself I don't mind. I had mine in the toaster and everything went great - I got them out just fine. Brother, on the other hand, some how managed to get his lodged underneath the bar the bread rests on. We have waffle stuck in the toaster. It burns every time someone tries to make toast. The smell is stuck to my nose hairs. Yuck!

Continuing with the theme of kitchens (losely associated, I know) I decided to have a baking spree this week. So far I've made chocolate mouses and...well that its. On the agenda today were banana muffins and apple and oat muffins, but I couldn't find the muffin tins and then the waffle fiasco happened. Now I'm holed up in my room not taking to the Brother (our amonisity today runs deeper than just the toaster incident. It's more to do with...well, maybe I'll safe that for another post). Maybe I'll bake later. Then again, maybe I'll just stay up here and wallow in videos off youtube.

Question though - if the cookbook says "sugar" what type of sugar does it mean? Cause those days when you could walk into the corner shop and ask for a bag of sugar are long gone. Now we have granulated, caster, light brown, dark brown, Demerara, muscavado...Eeep! Help.

Templates and stuff...

I've just spent the last three hours trying to get (1) a template that I like and (2) the chosen template to work. I'm not even sure I really, really like the template, but some of the other ones had toolbars with links on them and my HTLM isn't that good!

I've been thinking about uni and I've realised I'm kinda nervous. And scared. And petrified, which I know is just another word for scared but somehow the two are separate in my brain! Petrified I won't make any friends, petrified I'll be a loser, petrified I know so many people there that my reputation/image won't change. It needs to change, especially if I want to be happy. I really want to be happy.

But I'm excited aswell. It'll be great to live "the student life", to be fully independant for the first time in my life. To do what I want, when I want. To be around live minded people who won't scoff when I say that I like reading Shakespeare or don't really want to go out drinking (not much of a drinker).

I suppose we'll just have to see how it goes. Let me know if any of you out there feel the same way! 

:)

Hello and Welcome...honestly, I'm trying my hardest not to sound corny or old

Hi! I’m the despondent medic!

Pleasantries aside let’s just get one thing straight, before we move on. It may say despondent in the title, but I’m not despondent all the time (hence the sometimes.) Despondency is just an emotion I’m occasionally prone to, recently more than usual. But I’m not depressed – we can just put it down to adolescent angst. I just don’t want anyone to think I’m suicidal or anything, and then for them to go off and alert someone. (That actually happened once, after I wrote a poem in French. You can see why I had to get things clear!)

I’ve wanted to write a blog for a really long time. Not sure why. Maybe I just need an outlet to rant anonymously. And even if no one reads this, which they probably won’t, I think I’m going to write this blog anyway. Maybe it’ll turn out like Julie’s from “Julia and Julie” (or “Julie and Julia” – haven’t seen the film, just the trailer) and someone will give me a book deal, or a column in the Times. Yes, I will dream.

So even though I really want to remain anonymous, I feel you should know a little bit about me. I’m soon to be a first year medical student at a very established redbrick university (and you thought you were going to find out which one!). I like medicine (or at least I hope I do or these past two years were all for nothing) but I’m reading it more for the people than the science. Not that the science isn’t interesting, cause it is, but I like a certain other subject more. And although you will, probably, work out which one from later posts (dreaming again) I’m not going to say right now because certain people can add two and two and bypass the breadcrumbs completely as they march to my door.

So that’s it, for now, because apart from complications in organising student finance (and consequently student accounts) nothing interesting is happening. My brother continues to play video games and awaits the new school year…well, he doesn’t await at all. My mum works, and I try to think up ways of getting as many people as possible reading this blog! For dreams will become reality!

And now I’m starting to sound like a self help man at one of those “You are special!” American conferences.

Another blog soon.